For many, today marked the start of a new school year. For my son, it marked the start of a school career. He went to school for the very first time today. I went with him.
I was excited and nervous; happy and sad; looking back and looking forward — all rolled into one big ball and tucked into my heart. How can this be the same little boy I held at 2 am in the hospital and fed him for the first time? Is he really the same boy I waited years to hold? The same boy we held in the hospital praying he would be ours forever and this time the adoption would be completed? Has it really been more than four years since it all happened?
Why didn’t someone tell me then that even once the papers were signed the pins and needles of becoming parents wouldn’t be ending, but would just be beginning?
I watched him being so grown up:
- “Mrs. Anderson, I go by Sam. Samuel is just for doctors.”
- “Hello, what’s your name?”
- “I like school and trains and my mom. What do you like?”
- “Thank you for the snacks. You make good juice.”
And yet he is still my little boy. Getting into the car he said, “I love you so much Mom,” and he jumped into my arms and held on as tight as he could. I spun him around and sat him back into his seat, helping him with his seatbelt.
Yes, parenting is one big ball of emotions tucked into the heart. I’m going to savor the moments because time will continue to pass and my guess is this parenting gig will only get a tougher.
Unhurried. Finding the magic in the middle of living. Capturing a life of ridiculous grace + raw stories.