Response PLEASE!

I was asked to submit  a piece of writing for a little newsletter the All-Write Consortium is putting together.  The focuse for this issue is Why Workshop?  So I refined a poem that I think fits with the theme.  I would love some feedback before I submit it.  Here are some questions I have:

  1. Do you think it fits the theme? 
  2. I know that conventionally it should be “differently;” however, I wanted to jar the reader a bit — I wanted to make people feel unsettled . . . in the same way we often feel when we take risks in the name of good teaching in our classrooms.  I’m not sure this works though; I’m nervous that it just looks like I don’t know Standard English.  What do you think?
  3. Do you have any insights which would make this stronger?

Thanks, in advance, for your comments.

Teach Different Than They Did
By Ruth Ayres

Teach different than they did —
Stick-straight sitting
Controlled-neat printing
Always at attention.

Today they come,
Millions of experiences crammed-smashed
Into reluctant bodies —
Grumbling and moaning
Complaining and shrugging
Expecting a year like last.

Failing because they’re not —
Stick-straight sitting
Controlled-neat printing
Always at attention.

So we begin living like writers,
Come gather ’round and listen and learn
Here is my writer’s notebook,
I keep fragments of my life —
Grin-splitting giggling times
Heart-breaking tearing times
Foot-stomping burning times
Let’s collect.
And so we do.

Later, after the words have come,
I push a little.
Come gather ’round and listen and learn
You can be better.
Say something real, something that matters

Drip-sweating
Heart-wrenching
Brain-killing
Let’s revise.
And so we do.

Then in May,
Millions of experiences
free flowing, wandering the room
Out and alive because we’re not —
Stick-straight sitting
Controlled-neat printing
Always at attention.

We are a —
Wide-awake collecting
Sloppy-revising
Self-respecting
Community of writers.

Teach different than they did.