Writing Unapologetically

Ruth's OLW for 2012: Salt.

Ruth’s OLW for 2012: Salt.

One of the lines from the Voices Strong class mantra, taught by Christy Rush-Levine is Write Unapologetically. I love these two words side-by-side standing for genuine marks on the page. Today, I planned to write a blog post right now, in the rich moments of the morning. I’ve been planning this writing time for weeks because this post will be my last on Two Writing Teachers this calendar year. Stacey and I will begin a holiday break  tomorrow.

I’m tempted to start with an apology because lately my posts have been rushed, written in the last moments of the day instead of the first. I’ve been settling for the quickest ideas rather than the best. I’ve been beating myself up, fighting to find more moments, more energy, more time to give the needed space to blog well. I’ve been keeping a mental list of topics I should have blogged, and I’m afraid they are getting pushed out for more pressing thoughts. (Surprisingly, perhaps, is that I don’t keep a written list of blog topics. I don’t have a notebook where I spin blog posts or plan my words. Almost all of my blog writing process happens in my head and in the WordPress text box.) All of this is to say I feel like I’ve been shirking my readers. I want to apologize. And then I remember the beat of the feet and the clap of the hands and the demand of Voices Strong students: Write Unapologetically.

Although it’s not quite the writing I wanted, the time I needed, I’ve still been writing. It’s hanging on by threads, but I’ve still been writing. This is okay. Sometimes we need to cut back in order to grow. This is me, cutting back. This is me, getting ready to grow and change.

This post was supposed to be a reflection of my One Little Word: SALT. In fact, that’s the title in the headline box right now. The title will be changed as these words swirl and play and lead to a post that was only on the fuzzy edges of my mind, but needs to be written now. Write unapologetically.

(You’ll find my OLW reflection on Ruth Ayres Writes, where I will be continuing to collect bits and pieces throughout this month.)

You see, life is changing around the Ayres house. Andy and I have realized there is another child for us. Yes, dear readers, we have decided to adopt again. As with most stories there is a bit of magic to the whole thing. Maybe someday I’ll be ready to share it with the world. Until then, let it suffice to say no one is more surprised than Andy and me that we would be embarking on another adoption. We believed with our whole beings that our family was complete. Then, in a matter of 24 hours our hearts spun and we are anxiously awaiting another child.

The process is going quickly. For the last few weeks I’ve been pregnant with paperwork, as they say. Since our decision in early November, we have completed mountains of paperwork as well as nearly 15 hours of training. Next week all of the training and paperwork will be complete. Normally this portion of the process takes 2 – 4 months to complete.  Next is the wait. This wait could be a matter of days or months. We don’t know.

We are expecting a school aged child, between the ages of 5 – 9. Those of you who know me, probably aren’t surprised to hear that I’m not planning to miss a step. I’m sitting here, excited that next month I’ll be back to writing, blog posts, articles, notebook entries, fiction, about teaching writing, conferring, being a writer, adoption, and faith. I’m planning to up the miles I run each week. I’m planning to clean out the kids’ closets, move their rooms, and scrapbook. I’m planning a youth conference for January. I’m planning…I’m planning…I’m planning…

I’m planning to remember time heals. I’m planning to be satisfied with all I do, not disappointed in what I don’t do. I’m planning to write unapologetically.

I’m hoping you’ll join me.