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SOLS: Mine Forever.

Prior to adult writing time, I read aloud Jamie Lee Curtis’ book, Tell Me Again About the Night I was Born.  Then, thinking about SOLSC today, I decided to attempt to write about being given my son.  It didn’t work out so well as a narrative, so I switched genres. 

Here it is, in a very raw form.  I’m being brave in even sharing this here.

Staring at the clock,
ticking well past 5 pm,
the agreed upon time.

Confined to the stark, sterile room.
Standing.
Waiting.
Praying.

Nurses checking.
Being reassured that she hadn’t left with him.

Clock ticking.
Pacing.
Anxious waiting.
Praying.

A scuffle in the hallway.
Hands wringing.
Stop breathing.
Praying.

A swollen-red-eyed teenager,
big t-shirt
sloppy sweatpants,

Holding my son,
in the door way.

Behind her, two more teenagers.

She shuffled to me,
as if willing her feet to move forward,
yet not having enough strength to pick them up.

Sniffling, she held him out,
her eyes, filled with disbelief about
what her arms were doing,
finally rising to meet mine.

Another shuffle.
More stretching,

And he was in my arms,
mine forever.

Andy hugged her.
I hugged her.

She bolted for the door.

I was left with the son I longed for, and a bittersweet pang in my heart.  Her greatest pain brought my greatest joy.  I can think of nothing more unselfish and generous than she was in that moment.

Ruth Ayres View All

Unhurried. Finding the magic in the middle of living. Capturing a life of ridiculous grace + raw stories.

7 thoughts on “SOLS: Mine Forever. Leave a comment

  1. How does it feel to have this moment out there? I hope it feels good. The last section hits hard and powerfully for both moms:

    I was left with the son I longed for, and a bittersweet pang in my heart. Her greatest pain brought my greatest joy. I can think of nothing more unselfish and generous than she was in that moment.

    Loved reading this raw,
    Bonnie

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  2. Thanks for sharing your painfully joyous moment with us! I can just imagine your sitting in the chair with your heart in your throat and her on the other side of a door feeling the same thing.

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  3. Thirteen thank yous for your brave writing and honoring the mother of your son. I feel the pain and the joy of the moment and all the moments to come.

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  4. R-

    I have tears in my eyes as well. Not only were you brave to write this, but sharing it in this forum must have taken amazing strength and courage.

    Save this in its raw form, even if you tweak it. It’s something you’ll want to give to Sam someday.

    Now the tears are spilling out of my eyes and down my cheeks…

    -S

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  5. I am sobbing. She is wondering every day if it is the right decision and you are praying and thankful for gift of Love. Adopted children are loved by two. You wrote so powerful here. There is so much love to fill this child’s heart. I hope she finds peace in her gift of love that you write about. Several of my cousins are adopted. They know the gifts they are and your children will/do too.

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