ruth’s sols: i know myself better.

Last week I read this on Ali Edwards’  blog:

My expectations this time around are completely different. My approach is slower and calmer. I know myself better and I am less-stressed out (even with more on my plate). I know my limits. I take deeper breaths.

As is so often the case, I’m inspired to write like Ali.  So today’s slice of life is one which has been percolating all week long, thinking about how I’ve changed over time. 

It goes like this:  A woman who has changed so much from who she once was, sits down at her computer, lifts a line from a favorite writer and then writes with abandon.  

I know myself better and I am less-stressed out (even with more on my plate.)  I know my limits.  I take deeper breaths.  Things don’t upset me like they used to.  I’ve realized something about people and it is this:  The way they act (or respond) to me has less to do with me and more to do with the current state of their lives.

I remember my friend Kurt once saying that we are all walking around with cups filled to the brim.  Inevitably we bump into one another, spilling the stuff in our cups on each other.  The question is:  What are you spilling on to others?

Although life is crazier than ever before, I find myself more calm and relaxed.  I find myself slowing down.  I find myself doing more, yet feeling more at peace than ever before.  I’ve embraced the eb and flow of life.

I understand that somedays I’m not going to get some things done.  And I’m okay with that.  Insteadof fretting, stressing, and putting undue pressure on myself, I choose to let it go.  I remember being in middle school, high school, and an undergrad — everything had to be done perfectly, the first time, and completed before the due date.  No wonder I was constantly having stomach aches, a pain in my neck, and a mouth full of sores.  I was stressed to the max.

Not today.  Today I have more schedules to balance, more tasks to accomplish, more places to be, more laundry to do and yet, I feel more relaxed.

I know myself better.  I know what to prioritize and what to let go.  I know to hug my husband , kiss my kids, go for a walk, create art and all the rest will fall into place.  I’ve learned to trust.  I’ve learned that everything doesn’t rest on my shoulders.

And most importantly, I’ve learned that perfection is quite overrated.